Category Archives: Failure

The Whole Need no Physician

16 Tuesday May 2017

Posted by in atonement, Failure, General, Honesty, Jesus Christ, Sports, Trials, Weakness

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“…Jesus…said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick…for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”           -Mathew 9:12,13

Back when I was a kid, I loved to watch baseball. I loved to watch the best players in the world throw 100 mph fastballs, or hit 100 mph fastballs, or crank out 4 home runs in one game. Every once in a while, we even got to see an all out brawl because of a well placed pitch right between the batters shoulder blades in retaliation for some perceived slight an inning or two earlier. …Ahhh, the good ‘ole days….

One of the most entertaining players to watch was a guy named Bo Jackson. Now, Bo only played a few seasons, but was one of the best athletes to ever play. He was an All-Star outfielder for the Kansas City Royals, way before the Royals were cool. Or even remotely good. He also starred as a running back for the Oakland Raiders. He bounced back and forth between professional sports like it was no big deal. He was iconic. And, maybe the best part of all, he had his own cross training shoes that, quite possibly, could be the best shoes ever created in the 90’s.

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Bo was famous for his home runs….and his strikeouts. He looked a lot like Dwayne “the Roc” Johnson at the bat if you can imagine. Or like Disney’s Moana playing baseball. He was huge, ripped, shredded, swole, or buff as you might say. Even though he never lifted weights in his life.

He was a good hitter, but he did strike out more than average. He didn’t particularly like striking out, as you can imagine. It frustrated him. It tended to make him angry. We were able to deduce this fact because he would often, after striking out, break his bat over his knee, or his head, on his way back to the dugout. He had a little bit of a mean streak in him. But, his anger management issues, were fun to watch, because snapping a bat over your head, and making that piece of pine look more like a toothpick was totally awesome.

So what does Bo Jackson’s anger issues have anything to do with anything? Well, maybe nothing, but it came to mind this week as I read through a particular chapter in the Book of Mormon. Last Sunday, because of a new calling, I got to sit in a lesson in the Deacons quorum in my ward. The lesson was on the reality of all of us having real problems, and how we all have flaws, and we will make mistakes, and how we have to pick ourselves up and go to the Lord, and make ourselves better because of it. It was awesome.

The chapter that we talked about was 2 Nephi chapter 4. This is one of the best chapters ever.  In this chapter, Nephi talks about how even he, Nephi got down on himself because of his sins. This is the same guy that never complained about anything, the same guy that made a homemade bow, probably out of sharp rocks, animal sinew, and leftover crow feathers while in the wilderness. Only to then have to fashion his own arrows, even when everyone else, including his prophet father, Lehi, was complaining directly to the Lord about thier sufferings. This was the same Nephi that was willing to make a boat to cross an unfamiliar ocean simply on faith. This same, seemingly flawless Nephi, admits he had struggles with temptations, and sin. He was a normal guy after all!

He explains his thoughts in verses 17-19,

“O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities….I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins…”

Don’t get me wrong, Nephi was one of the most faithful men to ever live on this earth.  But it is nice to know that he, just like us, wasn’t perfect. He had struggled to overcome sin. He quickly though, reminds himself, and us by proxy, that there is no reason to dwell on the struggles. And, that remembering the greatness of God, and His ability to lift us out of sin, is our real key to happiness.

He says in verses 20 and 21…

“My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh”

He continues in verse 26…

“O then, if I have seen so great things…why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow…?”

Then, and this is the new part that stood out to me yesterday for the first time, Nephi gives us this little glimpse into one of the things he may have struggled with. He explains in verse 27…

“And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?”

and again in verse 29…

“Do not anger again because of mine enemies…”

I think we have to look at Nephi’s life as a whole, and wonder how in the world he did it. He continued to be faithful through thick and thin, trial after trial, living on the edge of life threatening situations every single day. He maintained his faithfullness even when his older brothers, Laman and Lemuel, tried at every possible moment in time, to make his life completely miserable. They beat him, tied him up several times, mocked him, complained about him, demeaned him, and ultimately tried to kill him. Multiple times. Nephi and his family and others literally had to up and get out of dodge to avoid being  murdered by his own brothers. If anyone had the right or reason to be “angry” it would have been Nephi.

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So, do I think Nephi had anger management issues? No, I don’t. I don’t think he went all “Bo Jackson” and broke his nice steel bow over his knee after a missed shot at a giant 8
point buck somewhere in the wilderness. It just doesn’t fit. But, I do think he was subject to being a normal human, and having normal human responses to living continuously under the threat of being killed, beaten, mocked, and ridiculed. Some people, unfortunately in this world can relate to that.

And that is the beauty of the scriptures, and of the gospel. Its a real life thing. The stories and principles that we read about in the pages of the Book of Mormon apply to us. Even if the prophets in those stories have flaws and struggle. We all have flaws, and we all struggle. Thats kind of the point. If Nephi struggled with the temptation to be angry, given his circumstances, then its also ok if I struggle sometimes with the same thing.

We all have our things that we need to overcome. Nephi, in this same amazing chapter, finishes it off with his advise on how to recover from those sins, and temptations…

He teaches us in verse 34…

“O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh”

Then finishes in verse 35..

“Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.”

Nephi, no matter his temptations and sins, looked up to God, and trusted in him. Its as simple as that. Our struggles, our problems, are real. Its simply a part of life. And that’s ok. That is where the beauty of the gospel and the atonement of Christ takes over. Nephi showed us how he did it. He survived by handing everything over to the Lord.

We are all broken or “sick” in some way. Even those who may seem to have it all together, like Nephi. But, lucky for us, the Lord can fix anything. He can heal us no matter how sick we are. He is the great Physician. The more housecalls he makes in our behalf, the better we get to know him, love him, and really appreciate what he does to heal us. And when we allow ourselves to be healed by him, we are changed. And that is how the atonement really works. Maybe we can stop looking at our temptations and sins as weights, and see them more as oppurtunities to be healed by the Great Physician.

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Learn to Lose

05 Sunday Mar 2017

Posted by in atonement, Failure, General, Humility, Weakness

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jake

Over the last few weeks, my four-year-old son has discovered the amazing sport of baseball.  He has a giant blue plastic bat, and a few oversize whiffle balls (if the neighbors have thrown some back over the wall).

Every day after I get home from work, he comes and asks to go out in the back yard and play “hit ball”. It does sound a bit like what Tarzan might call it, but, it is indeed baseball. He loves it. There is only one slight problem. He’s not used to, nor does he enjoy, losing.

It’s the same story in every aspect of his little guy’s mind. He always has to be first. He has to win, or he acts like someone is trying to pluck out his fingernails with a pair of pliers. He has to be the first one back in the house when we get back from a car ride anywhere. He has to be first back home after a bike ride. He has to be first to finish his cereal. He has to be first to buckle his seatbelt. Everything is a make shift competition. Unfortunately, this little quirk that seems to drive his every action, somehow does not apply to bedtime. He’s happy to drag his feet then.

So, we as a family have had to make a decision. Do we let him always win these little perceived competitions? Or do we deal with the dramatic weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth, of a four-year-old 2nd place finish? Seeing how he is child #4, and we as parents are now nearly beaten into submission, he tends to “win” so we can keep the peace, our hair, and our sanity.

But, I guess the game of baseball has given me another chance to teach him a valuable lesson….How to lose.

The first couple of days when he would get tagged out, he would get that super frowny cry-face that kids can get. He acted like you just stole his ice cream cone from his hand and ate it in front of him. He’d start to cry, whine and complain while skulking off into the shrubs to try and elicit pity and sympathy from everyone around him.

Its a hard lesson for a four-year-old. And sometimes, it can be a hard lesson for a 38 year-old.

Getting out is part of baseball. Striking out is part of baseball. Failing is part of baseball. In fact, getting a hit only 3 or 4 times out of 10 up to the plate is considered hugely successful! The earlier my little four-year-old can grasp and understand that, the better. The sooner that the rest of us old people can understand that life also works in much the same way, the better.

We are here on this earth to struggle. To lose. We aren’t here to win every time, get a trophy and go home to our Heavenly Father with nothing but blue 1st place ribbons draped around our necks. We aren’t here to return home to Heaven having never tasted anything bitter, never felt loss, heartache, disappointment, pain, anguish, anxiety, inadequacy, or discomfort.

In fact, its quite the opposite. We are here to experience exactly all of those things. We need to learn to lose.

When we are allowed to lose, struggle and fail, we increase the spectrum of feelings we have experienced. Only with the lowest lows, can we then be able to savor the experience of winning, overcoming, and succeeding in a much more meaningful way. How much better is that slow trot around the bases after a home run, when our previous 3 at bats were strikeouts?

When we struggle, or face a fight we just cant seem to win, sometimes we just need a new perspective. For me, the perfect pep talk comes from Moroni. When I feel knee deep in the middle of slump, or when I feel like I am 0 for my last 50 at bats, he provides the best reality check there is. He uses the Lord’s words to explain the origin, source, or reason for our weakness and struggle.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”   -Ether 12:27

It is interesting to me that the Lord, in this scripture, teaches us that it is He himself that gives us our weaknesses. Our weaknesses and struggles are not heaped upon us by a malicious adversary. They are lovingly placed upon us by our Savior in order to mold us into what he wants us to become- humble and submissive. He wants us to depend on Him. And, if we do humble ourselves and have faith in him, our weaknesses not only vanish, but become strengths.

If the Savior is the one who places these weaknesses upon us, then He is certainly willing and capable of removing them. His master plan includes struggles, and burdens, and it always has. But, it is always for a wise purpose. It can bring us closer to Him.

“And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.”  Mosiah 24:14

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Losing is part of life. Struggling is part of life. But, we can’t get discouraged. We have to realize and recognize that those obstacles or weaknesses we struggle with are actually placed there by our loving Savior. We have to try and see these big obstacles in our way not as stumbling blocks to hamper our progress, but as stepping stones to promote it. 

Just Breathe

16 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by in Battle, Failure, Fundamentals, General, Journeys, Motivation, Patience, Success, Weakness

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In November of last year, for reasons beyond my comprehension, I decided that I was going to try and do a triathlon. That rash decision was a direct result of me being shown up big time by my little brother Tyson. He had just finished a full Ironman triathlon, and made it look easy.

As has been well documented in this blog, competition among us brothers has always been, and will probably always be, in the forefront of our relationships. Let’s at least try and call it “healthy competition”. We push each other to be better. Or, we push ourselves to try to be as good as the other guy. This triathlon thing though….?

Last time I wrote about this, I described the initial attempts I had made in the swimming pool. These initial forays trying to swim didn’t go smoothly. They instead made me feel more like I was in that Gravity movie with George Clooney and was spinning out of control in a punctured space suit, hurtling and cartwheeling towards the black abyss of outer space. Tyson had warned me about that and kept saying that I would eventually get it. But it wasn’t happening very quickly.

When trying to swim the right way, or trying to emulate the way the real swimmers do it, you have to alternate breathing by turning your head either left or right, while you are pulling your way through the water. All this while your head is probably halfway submerged in the water. The official way to do this is during every third stroke. Thats how they teach it on youtube anyway, and thats where I learn to do everything.

If I wanted to be a good swimmer, I was supposed to take a stroke with my right, left, then quickly inhale a breath while turning my head to the left on the third stroke. I was then supposed to repeat and alternate ad nauseam until I either passed out, drowned, or made it to the other side of the pool. The pros make it look easy, but its not. Its not, because swimming is a very “aerobic” exercise in a very anaerobic (underwater) environment.

For the first several months I made small improvements. I went from an initial limit of around 100 meters, to being able to go to almost 400 meters without stopping to perform life saving measures.  That may seem nice, but when you consider the length of the swim on a “half” ironman triathlon is 1.2 miles or 1,930 meters it puts a damper on your excitement. It makes you feel like you have to clean the entire bathroom with only a toothbrush, and only using your teeth. Not pretty. I started to see myself as being the only one needing to swim with Dora the Explorer arm floaties during the triathlon.

I was pretty discouraged, I couldn’t seem to be able to build up enough endurance to even sniff what I was supposed to be able to do. I would go to the pool almost every single day, and the same thing would happen. I’d swim 450 meters, nearly pass out, get nauseous, and see stars for the next 3 hours while I recovered on the couch (which was not exactly getting me prepared to bike for 3 hours, then run for an hour and a half immediately after I swam).

It was about this time that a timely phone call to Tyson changed everything. We were talking about techniques and things, and he passively mentioned that he took a breath every other stroke, not every third. I decided to try out this super secret, highly advanced technique of breathing more often instead of tempting death and nearly drowning each time I entered the pool. It turned out that breathing more often was a good idea. Funny.  So I guess if you’re suffocating under water, breathing more often is helpful. Why didn’t I think of that?

The next time I went to the pool, I tried it. I took off, and took a nice deep breath every other stroke, and kept going. I passed my old record of 500 meters, and kept going. I passed 750 meters and kept going, then 900, and all the way to 1000 meters. I stopped only because I had to pinch myself and make sure it was real.  It was. I shook my head and wondered again why I hadn’t previously thought of breathing more when I was out of breath. It was just that simple.

The next day, I decided to see just how far I could go, and made it to 2000 meters without stopping. I just laughed at myself to think that such a simple change had made such a drastic improvement in what I was doing. I decided that every “how to swim” video on youtube should have Pearl Jam singing the theme song, “Just Breathe”.

 

As I contemplated this improvement, and as I was swimming for those longer training days in the pool, I kept thinking about how much better my life was now that I had a steady supply of oxygen, or breath. I thought about the similarities of having enough “breath” in all the aspects of my life. I thought about the significance of spending one day a week concentrating as much as possible on the good things in life, my Savior, and the gospel. It reminded me of how Sundays, and everyday really, could be that breath of fresh air.

Sometimes its easy to get caught up in trying to do to much of our everyday stuff, that we seldom take the time to spiritually breathe. We are here on this planet for a purpose. That purpose is not to make the most money, have the best toys, or be the most successful in our chosen field. We are here to learn to be like God.

He puts us here for that reason alone.

As I have been through my daily, weekly and yearly routines, I have been guilty of trying to tough it out for too long without taking a breath. I have struggled to make it even a few hundred meters before I felt like I couldn’t keep going. I was seemingly doing the right things, I just wasn’t “breathing” often enough.

Our physical bodies need oxygen to survive and function. Our spirits also need constant spiritual oxygen for nourishment. When its continuous, it feeds us in a way that enables us to continue progressing and we become stronger and stronger. We become a smoother swimmer so to speak. We feel more comfortable, excited, and familiar with our purpose on earth. If we go too long without it, we tend to struggle, and sometimes find ourselves on the couch seeing stars.

Every day I should be breathing in the lessons taught in the scriptures, praying, and thinking about my real purpose on this planet,  and taking in big deep breaths with my spirit. It makes a difference. If I  do it daily, as the “professional swimmers” have counseled us to do, I will have plenty of spiritual oxygen for endurance.

Breathing gives us life. It sustains our mortal lives, but the frequent breathing in of spiritual oxygen is just as critical to our spiritual survival and endurance. After all, thats really the hard part, enduring to the end.

“The Spirit of God hath made me, and the breath of the Almighty hath given me life.”
–Job 33:4

Felonies and Bended Knees

12 Tuesday Jul 2016

Posted by in Agency, Cars, Failure, General, Journeys, Obedience

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abondoned car

Disclaimer #1: The statute of limitations has long expired for any and all misdeeds explicitly expressed in, and/or eluded to, in the following post.

Disclaimer #2: To the owner of the car subject to the aforementioned misdeeds in disclaimer #1 and subsequent subject in the following story…yeah, sorry about that.

This story is one of those that stays hidden for many years because of fear. The fear of a swift kick in the butt from your Dad, or punishment in a juvenile delinquent facility if the truth ever squeaked out. I can talk about it now, because, as is clearly stated in disclaimer #1, the statute of limitations has expired. And, I don’t live close enough for my Dad to kick my butt anymore. It’s actually kind of funny now, but it sure wasn’t at the time.

This crazy event took place 22 years ago, back when I was 15 and knew everything. I couldn’t drive yet, but I was getting close. I was kind of in that weird teenage time when you are annoyed that you can’t do whatever you want, whenever you want. That was me. I wasn’t a bad kid, but I remember feeling pretty dang smart. It had been a while since my last slice of humble pie.

The incident occurred on a Friday or Saturday night. As was the tradition in those days, myself and my merry band of buddies had just spent most of the night hanging out playing pool (billiards). That was our traditional go to hang out event. We had a good friend (we will call her Cassie to protect her identity) who generously allowed us to utilize the pool table in her basement. This was probably against her better judgment, but being the thoughtful friends that we were, we invited ourselves over all the time. The girls would watch movies, while we boys would have intense pool tournaments, and pretend we were awesome.

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This is kind of what we were going for, minus the doogies.

We were all good kids, and had good parents, so, naturally, we all had curfews. We all had the same one- 12 midnight. All of us. However, we were all only 15 and no one had a car, or a driver’s license. This usually meant that one of our parents had to come pick us all up, and systematically drop us all off, all at around 1145 at night. This isn’t exactly cool if you are 15. But, this night would prove to be different.

Whatever possessed us (the boys) that night to decide to walk home is beyond me (the girls were too smart for that). I guess it must have been the cumulative lack of brain power in our 15 year old underdeveloped brains. We were at least smart enough to know that we had to leave before midnight to give ourselves a shot at walking the 7 miles from Santaquin to Payson in order to be home by our curfew. Brilliant idea. Lets walk home, all 7 miles, in the pitch dark, orchard lined back streets with no street lights. What could go wrong? We were awesome like that.

When I say we, I mean there were 7 of us (as far as I remember). Again, to protect the identities of my friends, let’s just call them Brad, Mark, Mo, Blake, Sterling, and Anthony. Anthony only lived a short few blocks away, so he was spared from any culpability or involvement, not that he wouldn’t have been right there with us if given the chance.

That left 6 of us walking home. After a few blocks, myself and “Brad” decided that 7 miles would take longer to walk than we thought. So, we decided we would run home. By running, we would be home early, or at least on time, and by so doing, avoid a royal butt kicking. So we took off, leaving the other 4 guys behind. They were on their own. Remember, this was before cell phones, so calling for a ride after we left “Cassie’s” house wasn’t an option.

We ran straight through and never walked over the next 6.5 miles. And we were on top of the world with how brilliant we were. We were nearly home. But, as fate would have it. Our night was really just beginning. It was at that moment that we discovered what would become the source of our absolute fear for the next several months. We passed an abandoned car, or at least that is what we, in our brilliant 15 year old minds, thought. Never mind the fact that it was parked in cleared away area right by the freeway entrance that most people would recognize as a car pool parking lot. But, oft times, the connection between a 15 year old boy’s eyes and his small underdeveloped brain is blocked by an oversized ego.

Most people with any sense would have walked right by this car, without a second thought. We certainly should have, because we were only about another 3 minutes from being home. But, we were 15, and far from having any sense at all, so, we decided to see if the doors were locked. That’s what any reasonable person would do if they walked past a car that wasn’t theirs night? Nope, we weren’t reasonable. So we checked, and, sure enough, the doors were open. Well, might as well check for keys, right? Yep, lets check. Wow, the keys were in it! So, whats next? Try to start it obviously. So, I tried and tried and tried. But, it wouldn’t start, so I gave up hope. Hope for what I still have no idea. But, then “Brad” tried to start it, and he, actually knowing what a clutch was, was able to get it going. It was obviously a miracle.

So now you have two 15 year olds, without drivers licenses, sitting in a running car at 11:50 at night. So we did what any 15 year old would do in that situation. In our infinite teenage wisdom, and displaying our excellent decision making skills, came up with the most beneficent plan ever conceived. We would serve our fellow man, namely our 4 other walking friends in need, by driving back to them, and giving them a ride back to the spot where we “found” this poor abandoned car.

How thoughtful of us. Then, “Brad” and I (having obviously suffered simultaneous teenage brain infarcts) pulled out of the spot, and proceeded to drive the several miles back to the road where our friends would be, whooping, hollering, and laughing all the way. Life was good. They would be so happy.

Life was good, for another 4 minutes. Then life was not good. Not good at all. We realized about 4 minutes too late that the car we had just borrowed was out of gas. Way out of gas. It stalled in the road about 100 yards from our friends. Great just what we needed. Witnesses. 15 year old boy witnesses.

“Brad” then let the car coast to the side of the road, where we tried desperately and hopelessly to get it started again. We tried for another several minutes, before we realized we would be spending the rest of our lives in a jail cell. Both the brain cells in our heads started firing and wondering what life would be like in juvenile detention.

At that moment our friends walked up and we got hooted out. Sterling especially had a hay day. Anyone that knows him will attest that he can laugh AT someone better than anyone in the whole world. Its a special skill, it’s a gift really. A talent unmatched by anyone in the history of mankind. And he did not disappoint that night. He cackled relentlessly, endlessly, loudly, unrepentantly, and uncontrollably for what seemed like an eternity. We were toast.

Then our brains had to snap back to reality. We then frantically put two and two together and realized that this car was not going to be where the owners left it, when they eventually came back for it. That meant that the cops would be called to help find it. That meant that they would be looking for who took it. That meant that we were in deep do-do. We had to destroy the evidence. So, the brilliant young budding felons that we were, we took our t-shirts and rubbed everywhere we had touched! We had to get rid of our fingerprints! You should have seen us. 6 15 year old kids rubbing every square inch of every handle, door, dash, steering wheel, and fender!

I remember being convinced that the police department had my prints on file because of that one time in cub scouts when we went to the police station and the policeman taught us how they recorded the fingerprints of the criminals as they came in. I was certain that they kept a file of my 9 year old prints just in case. I knew it was only a matter of time. I could run, but I couldn’t hide. I would be making license plates for the rest of my life.

As if becoming a felon guilty of grand theft auto wasn’t enough, this whole incident had taken time. Not only time we didn’t have, but now we were back to almost where we began, now 5 miles from home, and well after our curfew. It was bad. By the time I got back home I fully expected to be strung up, skinned, and left as just a memory and a skid mark in the driveway. I was really late. And I remember getting an earful. Quite an earful. But what could I say? “Sorry Mom and Dad, we would have been back home in time, but instead, we decided to steal a car and drove it back towards Santaquin until it ran out of gas, so we had to abandon it, and then had to run another 5 miles back home.” Yeah right.

So, “Brad” and I waited. We waited for the moment when the cops would knock on our doors, ask for us by name, and read us our miranda rights, and haul us away in cuffs. I remember being scared to death each and every time the doorbell rang, or there was a knock on the door for at least 2 months. No kidding. It wasn’t fun. I lived in continuous fear and anxiety. There was also the very real threat of one of our 4 other friends (witnesses) blabbing all over town with the funniest story ever. Which, would inevitably lead to our arrest and conviction. Thanks guys.

But, it never came. Thankfully, the police record of my 9 year old prints had been misplaced. And we were spared a life scarred by years spent in jail. But, a lesson was learned that night. A lesson that has sunk in over the last 22 years, and still teaches me even today. It was not fun living like that. Worrying constantly about the repercussions of my decision that night. I didn’t want to do anything like that ever again. I couldn’t take it.

As I look back on that story of that night, and all the things I learned from it, I can see similarities to a lot of our lives. Its almost like that 2 hour saga is an abridgment of a life story that has taken a wrong turn. Lets look a little closer at what happened and phrase it only slightly differently. Looking back, this is how I could describe it. Remember, there are lessons, even gospel lessons, in every aspect of our lives. Even when we “borrow” a car without asking.

Listen to it again, this way…

After a great night, I started on the path back home just as I was supposed to. I even decided to hurry to make sure I was home on time. I was pointed in the right direction, committed, determined, and headed to where I should have been. I had traveled 99% of the way on the correct and straight path, without even a slight variation. But, at the last minute, I saw something slightly off the correct course. I knew it was off course, I knew better, but I was curious. So I ignored my better judgment. I decided to just take a moment to check it out. I would be home in just a minute anyway. No harm in checking.

But then the distraction sucked me in. I was hooked. I traded the security of being home on time, for the temporary thrill of the new and exciting. I had ignored the whisperings of my conscience. And before I even realized what had really happened, I was speeding backwards in exactly the wrong direction. And the forces that pulled me in that wrong direction abandoned me, and dumped me far from home.

That temporary, fleeting, and false excitement had deceived me. I fell for it. And it made for a long, even painful road back home. I made it, and we all can make it, even if we mess up, and the lessons we learn the hard way, sometimes stick better in our minds. But, it would have been so much easier if I had just finished that last 1% without even thinking about that distraction on the side of the road. And that is the lesson I keep learning even today. I don’t want to learn any more lessons the hard way.

We are constantly being distracted, and pulled away from who we want to be, and where we want to go. The appeal of the car on the side of the road is different for all of us. For some, it may be drugs or alcohol, pornography, movies, books, or music. For others it may be seemingly harmless hobbies, or social media that just take away so much of our time. It may be small things that distract us, or it could be even bigger faith shaking things that start as a curiosity, but soon lead us to speeding in the opposite direction of the home we were headed towards.

Regardless of what it is, the lesson is the same. We just need to finish, keeping our eyes focused ahead towards our heavenly home. And take it one step at a time. We will also need to take very frequent breaks to kneel down.

When we are committed and determined to make it back to our Father in Heaven, we can finally feel the peace that comes with the journey. The freedom we achieve by following the Savior, and becoming more like him, is not so much a physical place, but a feeling, or a state of mind. Its a freedom from guilt, from torment, and shame. Its a freedom from anxiety for what potential penalty awaits us right around the corner. Its the avoidance of waiting for the cops to come haul us away!

We feel at peace when we follow our Savior. His spirit and his love fills our lives when we make the everyday choices to follow him. We will never be truly at peace if we chase after the temporary thrills of the distractions on the side of the road. Ive been there. If we want to live our lives free of fear, doubt, and anxiety we simply need to walk towards him, and not stop until we get there.

This hymn sums it up perfectly….

I will not doubt, I will not fear;
God’s love and strength are always near.
His promised gift helps me to find
An inner strength and peace of mind.

I give the Father willingly
My trust, my prayers, humility.
His Spirit guides; his love assures
That fear departs when faith endures.

-Hymn 158 “When Faith Endures”

Graceful Faceplants

12 Sunday Jul 2015

Posted by in Failure, General, Motivation, Poems, Trials, Weakness

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Everyone loves a good face plant. They are kind of like a car wreck that you can’t turn away from. You watch the video clips in anticipation, not really wanting to see it, but you cant pull away. The video clips often come in the form of a dude on a bike trying some unrealistic acrobatic slide down the railing of some concrete stairs, he makes it down about halfway before something goes horribly wrong and he ends up eating concrete and sliding face first for several feet.

We all watch, cringe, hunch over and yell out, “ooohhhh”, and then bust out laughing and being super grateful that we weren’t the poor sucker that will have road rash on his face for 8 months…..then we watch another one, and the process repeats itself until our stomach starts to turn.

We all love them, because in one way or another, we have all had a face plant or two. We can relate to the feeling of using our nose like sidewalk chalk. Ive done it twice.

The first story occurred back in Brazil while on my mission. It was the last day in the country before boarding a flight to come home. It had been raining for most of the morning, which wasn’t a huge surprise, but the rain had left huge puddles in the road.

My whole district, a group of about 12 guys, had met up at the office and were on our way to the president’s house a few blocks away for a big celebration lunch. It was going to be awesome. We were all super pumped about seeing each other again after the 2 years in Brazil, and we were going to go have some seriously awesome food at the presidents house.

This is where the drama unfolds. The aforementioned puddles in the road? Yes, these turned out to be a huge obstacle in our 3 block walk because the sidewalk was right along the road, and the Brazilian bus drivers show no mercy. As a side note, Brazilian bus drivers think that using the clutch to shift while driving  is an unnecessary act, that only slows them down. So, seeing a pack of Mormon missionaries walking clumped together about 18 inches away from a 14 foot puddle in the road was certainly no reason to slow down. Can you see where this is going?

So, Imagine all 12 of us walking along this wet, 5 foot wide sidewalk, rubber shoes, 14 foot puddles, speeding busses, and of course, the star of the show, a metal guardrail post.

When it all went down, I happened to be walking right next to one of my favorite elders, who looked and acted a lot like Chris Farley. We were just coming up on a massive puddle, and we saw a speeding bus screaming around the corner towards us, I think upon seeing us, the bus driver  may have actually sped up, and likely swerved a little closer to the sidewalk in order to completely shower every one of us in our white shirts.

Me, being the ever vigilant and aware guy that I was, saw this coming and peeled out in my modified sketcher shoes, who’s soles had been replaced with actual tire rubber. I was first out of the blocks, and was on pace to make it to the other side of the puddle before the shower of dingy, oily, grimy, stinky water could ruin my day.

Then, Elder Chris Farley (not his real name) happened. He was rotund, and not especially sound in his sprinting technique. His arms and legs were flailing well outside of his designated lane. His poor technique mixed with a rather narrow sidewalk, wet ground, and 10 other scrambling Elders was a perfect storm for what happened next.

After about 5 or 6 full speed strides, his right leg, and rather large foot reached out and grabbed my entire left leg and stopped my perfect sprinting form in its tracks. I went down. Not only did I go down, but I went down hard, I was in full stride, running like my life depended on it. My leg had been taken out by Chris Farley.  Time slowed down, as I saw what was coming. I reverted back to instinct. All my years of baseball had prepared me for this one moment. I had just enough time to raise my arms and perform a perfectly executed Pete Rose dive and slid along the wet cement as fluidly as if it were a slip-n-slide. It was a thing of beauty…..until the guardrail.

About 7 feet later, I met the guardrail….with my face. My hands were doing their best to keep my face from becoming part of the sidewalk, so I was helpless. All I could do was close my eyes. I hit with the force of a rhino.  Im sure kids in Texas came running for supper after the sound of that dinner bell as my cranium nailed that post. It was epic. I then spent the rest of the afternoon bleeding, and cleaning small bits of gravel out of my hands. My suit was ripped, I tore my shirt to bits. It was awesome. It was the very epitome of a graceful Face plant.

Here is photographic evidence.

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The second story comes a few years later, while we were living in California during school. My son had just received one of those Razor scooters for christmas, and I was showing him how awesome they were. He was about 4 years old.

I was obviously dressed appropriately for action sports in my shorts, and flip flops. Nothing could go wrong right?  Well, I was due for another wipeout.

This one was also not my fault. As I was showing him how to ride out on the asphalt parking lot, a little pebble, probably put there on purpose by someone who was jealous of my Razor skills, nearly ended my life.  That little pebble, against the small scooter wheel, won. The scooter stopped immediately. I, however did not.

Fortunately, there was my wife to witness what happened next, or no one would believe me. I flew over the handlebars, leaving my flip flops behind, and turned full ninja in midair. I tucked my head and shoulder, curled into a human ball of momentum, hit the ground like a cat ball, rolled forward twice, and popped out of my curl back upright, as if it were planned that way. I looked like an olympic champion after a death-defying floor routine on asphalt.  I brushed the dirt off my shoulders, and looked at my wife, and said, “Yep, that just happened.”

The look in her eye said it all. I was her hero, for a few minutes at least. I had survived a possible subdural hematoma and 8 weeks in the hospital eating through a straw, all because of a pebble the size of pea. Don’t try that at home kids.

So, what do these face plants have to do with anything?

We all face plant in one way or another in our life. No one gets through without one.  We have to know, and expect that we will bite the dust at some point in our lives.  Its part of our learning experience here on earth.

We have to expect that there may be big scary things in our lives that get in the way of where we want to go, and who we want to be. These tend to be somewhat easy to avoid, or at least easy to see coming, They may be drug use, crime, or being unfaithful to a spouse.  These obvious things are like the speeding bus.  Sometimes, though, even as we avoid the speeding bus, we get tripped up. And sometimes, its even because of someone we like and enjoy being around. We cant avoid it all, and we aren’t meant to. The important thing is getting up.

If we can change our attitude to the point of expecting, and being prepared for our falls, we can be a lot more graceful in our face plants.  Sometimes something really small, and seemingly insignificant can take us down, or at least try to. These small things can be like forgetting to pray, or read our scriptures, treating someone unkindly, or forgetting to pay an honest tithe. These can be like the pebble under the wheel. It only takes a small one to trip us up.

But, if we are prepared to fall, and understand that it is part of life to do so, it helps us pop up so much quicker, and more gracefully.  It is still a fall, but it happens to everyone, and we all will fall again and again. We just need to better develop our ability to tuck our head and shoulder, and roll with it, and pop back up as soon as we can..

Many of the Lord’s best Prophets had their versions of a face plant. Aaron and his brethren, in the Book of Mormon, were working very hard, trying to teach the Lamanites the true gospel. They had separated from Ammon at the start of their mission, and had run into some serious pebbles. Ammon had been lucky, and had some success. Aaron and his bros? not so much. They were thrown in jail.  Eventually, Ammon and Lamoni came and rescued them from their trial.  In Alma 20 verse 29 it describes them after their unfortunate face plant like this, “And their skins were worn exceedingly because of being bound with strong cords….Nevertheless they were patient in all their sufferings.”

We can learn a lot from our own mistakes and falls, sometimes its the best way.  Let’s take the bad times along with the good, and learn to be more like Aaron and his brothers, and be patient in all of our sufferings, so that eventually we will become who we are meant to be.

Successful Failures

17 Monday Nov 2014

Posted by in Failure, Opposition, Success

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Sometimes in life, we fail. Sometimes we even fail miserably.  But, I am convinced that for every single failure we experience – there is an increased opportunity for success.  True failure only occurs if we miss the opportunity to make it a success.  Heavenly Father sent us all down here to earth to be tested, and part of that test is experiencing a life completely full of failures (our own and others), which are really opportunities for improvement which cannot be learned or discovered any other way.

When Satan tempted Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, he no doubt thought that by getting them to partake of the forbidden fruit he would enjoy a success and that they would suffer a failure.  Yet in reality, this was Adam and Eve’s greatest success – realizing that ‘man could be’1 in no other way.  I imagine that in that moment (or even the first few days and weeks), to Adam and Eve this great success might have felt a whole lot like a failure because they were driven out of the garden, the earth was cursed, and they were intimately introduced to bitterness, pain, sorrow, vice, and sickness.  In addition, they had their sorrows ‘greatly multiplied’. 2 On the surface that doesn’t sound like success, yet we all know that we must experience these things in order to know (and choose) the sweet.  Thus, we can understand that the event labeled as ‘the fall’ might be one of the greatest successes this world has ever known.  It brought about physical life (as we know it) and activated agency and accountability.

Opposite Adam and Eve in the garden was Satan, who at first thought his subtlety -which resulted in their eating of the fruit – was a success (on his part), realized shortly thereafter that his perceived success resulted in God calmly informing him that the seed of the woman (made possible only by his enticing and their subsequent eating of the fruit) would have power to ‘crush his head’. 3   Thus Satan achieved what he thought was a great success, only to understand later that it was in reality, a most glorious failure, one in which he helped facilitate his own demise.   All of this came about because he (Satan) ‘knew not the mind of God’. 4   The mind of God is ever working towards improving His Children, and there can be no doubt that He has prepared a successful outcome for each and every one of our failures.

The fall, as described above (even when viewed as a glowing success – which it is), did bring to pass negative things (physical and spiritual death).  It brought about a separation from God, and in the world of eternal life – separation from God along with physical disease and death can be viewed as failures.  Yet these conditions were necessary in order to require redemption.  This cannot be overstated.  The results of this perceived failure (along with many of our perceived failures) are the actual catalysts or pre-requisites for future success.  You can’t fix it if it’s not broken, and in this sense a fixed person (redeemed or improved person) is much more than a non-broken (innocent or non-improved) person ever could be.  The result of the fall created the requirement for a Savior.   The requirement for a Savior resulted in the most amazing event in all of creation, where God’s own son, even Jesus Christ suffered the full weight of the world5 in order to redeem us all, which in turn, allows us to draw upon that power and become much better. This is the most monumental success the world will ever know, and it was all required because of a planned failure.

Shortly following the events in Gethsemane in which the Savior performed the miracle of all miracles, His mortal life came to an end.  Jesus Christ was in no way taken, but offered Himself up willingly as the Lamb of God once His great work was completed.  However, in the minds of many (especially at the time of Christ), they considered His capture and death to be a failure (something less than complete), at least in the sense that His ministry did not result in the immediate and successful convincing of the governmental leaders, and general population to the gospel.  This perception could have been based in the fact that Christ had escaped their snares many times before – and been able to continue His ministry – but now it seemed as if all of the opposition to Jesus had finally overtaken Him.  This perceived failure was in large part due to the lack of fully comprehending the magnitude and necessity of the events, the important role of Jesus Christ, and the promises that He had made.6 Similar to the atonement however, the perceived failure (which resulted in his crucifixion and death) was an absolute requirement for His next great success – the resurrection.  In order for Christ to be resurrected, He had to die.

By defining ‘failure’ in our actions or events as ‘less than perfect’ or ‘there is some (or much) room for improvement’ we can better understand the process of learning from our mistakes, as well as the idea that our mistakes are a critical part of our success – if we learn from them.  God has laid out this plan for us on earth, and he knew very well that every single one of us would be ‘less than perfect’ or that we would act in a way that ‘could be much improved’.  Yet because of this knowledge, He has also prepared a way that because of our mistakes, we can have success.   There is no way that we can become who we are meant to become without ‘growing up unto the Lord’. 7 This includes making many mistakes, but it also includes the requirement to learn from those mistakes.  It requires our constant and continuous use and application of the atonement.  If we truly understand that the Lord can and will use us as tools to ‘do His work’ not despite our mistakes necessarily, but in large part because of our mistakes, since they are the very tools necessary to create true humility, reliance upon the Lord, and therefore true strength and power within each of us.8 If we can understand that process, then we can start to see our failures and our mistakes and what they are meant to be – lessons.  Lessons planned out from ‘before the foundation of the world’ that have been tailored to us individually and collectively.  The decision then becomes ours; whether or not we ‘will hear and know’. 9

Our lives are literally filled with opportunities to learn and during the times when it seems we are failing the most, it is likely the time when we can learn the most – if we are willing to be taught.

‘The Holy Ghost works in perfect unity with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, fulfilling several roles to help us live righteously’10 Some if not all of those roles are directly related to the process of teaching.11   This role is often played ‘independent of any kind of formal teaching or learning setting’. 12 Thus, it is our own responsibility to be aware of learning opportunities, because the Holy Ghost never stops teaching.   Being aware of these opportunities (in good times and bad) is a key element, because ‘one of the greatest acts of agency is the willingness to open our hearts to the promptings of the spirit… God allows us to be the guardians, or the gatekeepers, of our own hearts.  We must, of our own free will, open our hearts to the Spirit, for even though He has a primary role to teach, He will not force Himself upon us. 12 We should all be open to expanding our understanding of what we ourselves consider to be ‘formal teaching or learning settings’ so that we do not restrict ourselves from learning some of the most important lessons in life.  We must not, and cannot ‘try to limit the functions of the Holy Ghost – not what He does, not where He does it, not when He does it, and not how He does it.14

I think when we truly understand this concept we can take a giant step forward by understanding that God is not necessarily frustrated with our failures, since He sees the end from the beginning and recognizes the process of learning as it being played out in our lives.  He has created such a great plan, that it accounted for all of our failures, and uses them for our (and others’) successes.  This is an amazing concept, one that I (sadly) did not recognize until recently.  It doesn’t mean that the disappointments or discouragement with my own failures have evaporated, because they haven’t, but it does help me to understand that I should not dwell on them longer than is helpful, because God doesn’t.  I should only use them to be humble, learn from them, and try and discover how I can turn the failure into a success, and then help other people to learn from my mistakes.15 

An example of this concept is found in maybe the most well known and oft-quoted scripture in the LDS community, 1 Nephi 3:7 which reads ‘And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.’  I imagine the Lord thinking at the time – Nephi, I know that you and your brothers are going to go back to Jerusalem to get these plates, and you are going to fail…. twice.16 But, if you pay attention to what I say to you through the Spirit (during and after these failures), you will learn things that will help you not only now (being successful in getting the brass plates from Laban), but you will also learn some valuable lessons that will help you later because after you complete this long and hard journey, I am going to ask you and your brothers to go back to Jerusalem again.17  I don’t think that it is a coincidence that Nephi’s 2nd trip (going to get the family of Ishmael) – seemed to go a lot smoother than the 1st trip – at least until they were headed back to the wilderness when it was time for some more lessons. 18 This episode (the 2nd trip) is also an illustration of the previous concept that the Holy Ghost will only teach us what we are willing to learn.  It also is a repeat of the same process just explained in obtaining the brass plates, because during this 2nd trip (on the way back from Jerusalem), Nephi was tied up and bound and suffered much at the hands of his brothers (failure), which happened to be a success because he learned how to rely on the Lord, and act for the next time(s) that they attempted to take his life, or bind him in their anger.  This could also be a pattern for us, that any failures that we don’t learn from may be repeated until we learn the appropriate lesson and understand the reason for the failure.

    

So, next time we fail, or next time we are less than perfect, which for me will be about 1 second from now – let us remember that failure is an important part of success if we can keep our hearts open to the spirit and learn from the master teacher.  This process of repeated failure also helps each of us with opportunities to practice forgiveness, love, and serving others, which are essential parts of our learning the art of becoming like Jesus Christ – which is the ultimate goal for all of us.

1 2 Ne. 2:25

2 Gen. 3:16.  This scripture refers specifically to Eve, but I’ve left it in the plural connotation (they) intentionally because when a woman/wife experiences sorrow greatly multiplied, it also affects the husband.  I am not claiming (in any way) that a husband shares in, or somehow helps shoulder the great physical pain (especially during the child bearing process), but I for one, am very much influenced by my wife’s moods and feelings (including pain).  

3 Gen 3:15 (see footnote c)

4 Moses 4:6.  This idea can be applied to the martyrdom of Joseph Smith, as well as any of the other prophets or disciples of Jesus Christ who have sealed their testimonies with their own lives.  Perhaps that is the reason that the footnote d in this verse refers to John 16:1-3 which clearly explains that they (their moment of perceived success) who ‘killeth [them] will think that he doeth God service.  And these things will they do unto [them], because they have not known the Father, nor me [Christ].’

5 See D&C 19:16-19

6 See the Topical Guide and Bible Dictionary under the topic ‘Jesus Christ, Resurrection’ for a complete listing of all scriptures in which The Lord himself (and many others) prophesied of his resurrection.

7 Hel. 3:21

8 See 2 Ne. 33:11, Ether 12:23-28; 37, D&C 50:16, and D&C 62:1.  There is also the fact that we cannot do his work until we willingly choose to do his work, which is the starting point for all change. 

9 See Alma 10:4-6

10 LDS.org topic ‘Holy Ghost’

11 Though this refers to ‘some’ of the roles related to teaching, all of the roles of the Holy Ghost are in one sense or another ‘teaching’.  These include testifying, comforting, witnessing, enlightening, sanctifying, etc.

12 See “In Tune” by Gerald N. Lund pg. 36

13 Ibid. pg. 42-43.  Read the whole book, it is fantastic.  This concept is also explained very well by Elder David A. Bednar in his 3-book series ‘Increase in Learning, Act in Doctrine, and The Power to Become’ and in his talk ‘Seek Learning by Faith’ which was given to CES educators on Feb. 3, 2006.

14 Ibid. pg. 78 emphasis in original.

15 In reference to mistakes of a moral nature, if no other success is readily visible from the recognition of these mistakes other than the true Godly sorrow which leads to the cleansing and redemptive power of the atonement through the repentance process – that is a very real success.

16 The first failure is portrayed in 1 Ne. 3:11-14.  The second failure is portrayed in 1 Ne. 3:22-27.   The third attempt (success) is portrayed in 1 Ne. 4.

17 1 Ne. 7:2

18 1 Ne. 7:6-21.